Holiday Story Telling

As my family has gotten together at various points in the past, I have found myself not often looking forward to these gatherings.  In recent years, the thought of getting together has often caused feelings of anxiety.  I am not exactly sure when or how this began, but it has become the predominant thought.

Deep down I know we are truly blessed.  Both my wife’s parents and my parents are alive, in good health, and still living on their own in their own homes.  Considering my in-laws are in the mid-80′s and my parents in their early 70′s (my wife and I are 3-months apart in age – there is an entirely different story embedded in the age difference of our parents.  Maybe I’ll tell this at another time), that is pretty impressive.  Both sets of parents live within 15 minutes of us – as does my younger brother, his wife, and his two children.  Between my children and his, the oldest is nearly 13 and the youngest 4-1/2.

While the diverse range of age and experience is a blessing, it is also the key source of tension.  In my opinion, the expectations of the different generations creates a lot of the issues.  It would probably make for a fascinating study to observe how each of us handles the tension.  For my part, I tend to keep it all in.  Christmas dinner is always at my house, so I find I get tied up in food preparation, food serving, and dinner clean-up.  The main reason for this is to avoid the potential situations that I believe will come up.  Despite my best efforts though, someone always seem to suck me into some drama – but at least I can hold it off for a while.

But something different happened this year.  At last Thursday’s Christmas Eve Mass, the associate pastor at my church gave an excellent homily about how families tell stories during important gatherings.  He talked about how the stories of the Bible were passed down for many generations through word of mouth.  I have heard similar stories about this in the past, but his message has stuck with me this week.  As we gathered for dinner last Friday, I found myself relaxing a bit more and focusing more on listening.  There are some great stories to be told between my father-in-law who was in WWII down to my nearly teenage daughter who is just beginning to understand the value of family history and her contribution to the make-up of the family. 

While I have heard most of the stories before, I realize that is what makes getting together as a family important.  The only way the stories can get passed down and savored is in the telling and retelling of the stories.  The trick with stories is that you must have someone willing to listen.  The younger children in our group haven’t quite gotten to the point of telling stories, but their time is coming.  I honestly can’t wait to hear how they tell their stories.  I only hope the older ones amongst us give them their due when it is time to tell their stories.  The first step in making sure that happens is by making sure that each story-teller has listeners.  If we demonstrate that for them, then we set a new expectation that everyone deserves to be listened too.

So, as we gather for New Year’s and events throughout the coming year, I truly hope I can keep the message of my priest clearly in mind.  If I can, there is proof that important changes can come from the stories told by others.